Miracles Happen.
I can’t believe this happened. How long have I wished for this?
Too long. So long I gave up on it. But I found it… I’ve found a person to cherish, someone who loves me back. And he doesn’t think he’s a complete angel.
I have always had bad experiences with love, so I just gave up on it, I stopped trying. I stopped thinking of myself as likeable, just with irredeemable flaws. But he makes me laugh, and smile… and blush so hard. I know I’ve been a bit whiny on here about my old unrequited love, which I consequently gave up on, but believe me, if I found someone, I think that anyone can. Just don’t ever give up. I know it sounds stupid, but someone out there might find you funny, or cute, or just like the stupidest things about you which make you like them all the more.
There’s a three year age gap, and he’s almost finished high school. But none of that stuff seems to matter. And the amazing thing is, he was introduced to me by a friend that was put into his team, at complete random, on an XBOX Live game. I just can’t believe the chances of this happening, but it did. And he just somehow locks into a space within me that I didn’t even know was hollow, and now it’s all filled up. I never want it to go away.
I love you so much Tommy.
x Gezza
Poetic Musings: Tear My Heart Out
Luckily, I am not the narrator in this instance. But yet, I have still felt pain of this kind which I would have not liked to have endured…
His countenance was intertwined with gold and joy,
His smile weaving into my heart.
He made a promise.
And I thought he was being honest.
I moved the motion of my life to cater for his,
I placed my heart in his hands.
I wished he had just dropped it then and there,
To save me the sharp pains that twisted around me in the journey,
And kept me bound to his side.
I made a compromise,
And didn’t realize
That the dark night we dreamed in
Was corroding around me fast,
To reveal the painful daylight that stung and blinded,
Highlighted my flaws,
Struck chords that endlessly echoed.
Yet I was stuck to the edge and tied to him,
Our love was something I didn’t want to loose,
But I was there to abuse, and use.
Tear my heart out.
I won’t even feel it gone.
x Gezza
A Word of Thanks
I just downloaded the new version of MSN. It is crap. Aside from the fact that your status is narrowed down to three choices, there isn’t a send button for messages and a whole lot of little things that really bug me, there’s this thing on the main menu called “Favourites”. You add you most loved contacts into that section. So yeah, away I went, checking out all of the colour schemes, adding people to my favourites… when I realized, that section should really remain empty. How I am I supposed to pick “Favourites” from all my beautiful friends? That’s like saying “____ is my best friend.” Sure, they won’t find out about it, but if I was them and I did, I would feel really hurt. Each one of them has given me the luxury of their companionship, and that is more than I have ever deserved.
How can we live in a society where we say someone is our friend, and they’re really not? Why the hell do people just send each other random friend requests on so many websites? The meaning of true friendship is gone. And what’s even worse is that we now get to select which of our friends we like the most. Each person I’ve added on MSN is witty, intelligent and has a nice warm cuddle to boot. And I tried to discard some of those people at the bottom of that window, away from all that colourful, icon-ified glory they get for being in my favourites. So no, damn you Windows Corporation, your new version of MSN is completely and utterly f**ked up.
I’d like to take the time and since I’m on topic in this post to say thankyou to all my friends. Only one of them knows about this blog, and I don’t think she visits anymore. But, in a way, that’s good. I put all my innermost feelings on here. But one day, I hope I will have the strength to share these thoughts with my friends, and perhaps as they stumble through this blog they’ll find this: Me saying they are the most wholly good people on this planet, people who accepted me. Because where would we be without our friends? They make up as large a part of ourselves as our personality or looks do. I think everyone dreams of fame, I know I do, but just now I have realized that it’s possible for me to live a fully contented life with those wonderful 14 contacts I have. Thanks guys.
x Gezza
Selfish = The Human Race
I was on deviantart browing when I came across this picture. Underneath, here is what the artist wrote:
i know i promised to draw something fun after i returned from China but certain events that i have experienced there and some other things have been bugging me. while i was in China, the local news reported a county near where i was staying were killing all the dogs. why u ask? well because 3 dogs got rabies, each bit a person which caused their deaths so in return the humans there decided to kill ALL the dogs, that’s 50,000 innocent lives lost because the gov. is too lazy to hired some ppl to give the dogs shoots, so they just told the locals to beat all the dogs to death with sticks. thus one must wonder WTF is wrong with those idiotic ppl? to help prevent this unreasonable slaughter, please go to [link] and sign the peptition. that was one reson, another is that recently i have been arguing with a group guys on online over a video of a guy killing a mantis (which can be viewed here [link] ) i commented on the video expressing my displeasure and in return, someone replied that its okay to kill since they killed it for pleasure. to disregard life for the sake of pleasure, it angered me in a way that’s hard to ignore. then other guys joined in on the arguement all saying stuff like (not in exact words) “its only a bug and it died for our pleasure so died a meaningful death” and “humans are better than animals, so we can kill them how we like” many of the ppl arguing there agreed with that and only two person (including me) strongly opposed of what they said. if i base my judgement on the comments of that video, then i have to say that the majority of humans are extremely selfish, but won’t be fair because most ppl don’t even know about it. so i’m imploring u all to tell how u feel about such things. if u agree with what those guys said, then tell me why? and if u oppose killing for pleasure, then will u please comment on that video and try to convince those ppl to stop doing such thing?
now for the meaning the picture itself. there are some ppl out there that like to wear fur coats or hang a trophy head on the wall and for those reasons they would kill a living being. their reaoning are usually because “humans are better than animals”. though the way i c it, animals only kill others for survival, but humans on the other hand kills not only animals but also other humans for pleasure and other selfish reasons so what part of humans are actually better? thus its very ironic how some ppl would proclaim themselves better. now in my drawing, the person (which is not male nor female though it likes like a girl) killed the egret for its wings to look like angel ( like how ppl kill animals for their fur to look rich) angels are usually viewed as sometihng good, just as humans usually view themselves as “creatures that are above those heartless beasts” but in reality we are only decieving ourselves. the person killed the egret yet she/he tried to make her/himself look like an angel with the stolens of the dead bird. i know not all humans are like that, but we are humans and we like to think good of ourselves. perhaps denial has blinded us from certain truth. more often than we’d like to admit, we rather look the other way when we see ppl doing things that are dubbed inhumane. but that’s not solving anything, we may not be the ones who are doing those things but by doing nothing, we are helping them. i drew this picture in hopes of convincing those who kill or harm others for unreasonable purposes to stop and for those for does nothing to help and take action.
I couldn’t have put things better myself. One day, maybe we’ll realize our true nature. On that day, I will be truly happy. Now, off to do maths homework. (Note-tastic note: I do not own the rights to this picture. It’s copyright to yuumei, the artist.)
x Gezza
Poetic Musings: Death
Something I just quickly typed up to vent.
Death
It was a motionless force with the strength of a thousand men.
It sliced into my flesh and deftly cut my heart out with no movement.
It shocked me, horrified me, scared me and made me run. Yet I did not see it.
It made my body cold and my heart and inferno of emotion, but it didn’t speak.
It made no contact.
It did not catch my eye or glance my way, yet I hate it with a passion.
It came and left, but didn’t even open or shut the door on its way through.
But it left me.
Somehow, it left me here to suffer.
It left me here to watch the grey days go past and the veins begin to stick out from the flesh.
It left me here to mourn, weep, cry and choke.
It left me here to see the worms devour the deceased flesh and the memories fade, ink running off the painter’s easel.
And now I want it to come back.
I want it to release me! Can it not see its task is done?
I came from nothing and am descending back into from whence I came.
I am ripe to be devoured.
I lick my lips in anticipation, as everything swirls to black.
It’s here. It’s fingertips cascading around the ruins of my bodice, the fragmented pieces of the mind.
It is so close, I need to seize the opportune moment. I need to take advantage of the one thing I have left.
I plunge the dagger into my heart as warm crimson flows to the floor.
“Take me. Now.”
x Gezza
And there was much rejoicing…
*Ker-groan* Once again, I appear to have stayed up way too late, and realized I need to update with something. Anything. So, I’ll just type down whatever comes into my head so y’all know I’m alive.
- If loss was a weight, I’d be squashed right now.
- My room is really messy. People say that’s an indicator of a creative mind, and my parents want me to clean it up. They also don’t want me to be an artist. Coincidence?
- I took a quiz for guys in general knowledge about, cars, video games, sport etc. I got 100%. I’m worried, yet also slightly proud…
- I’m broke. Darn that bag. It arrived on monday though. And now I realized I don’t have a matching outfit.
- They say nobody can hear your screams in space. What about on earth. Come on, I dare everyone around me to guess what I’m feeling right now.
- Would you rather your life to be a perfect glass with no scratches, or a smashed up glass in which you learnt something valuable? Or does your glass just stay in the padded case in the cupboard and never come out.
If anyone thinks this post makes any sense, hats off to you! ARGH. Friday nights alone are annoying. He won’t even talk to me on MSN.
x Gezza
Just some blog related notes
March 9, 2009 at 2:08 am (Blog updates) (articles, blog, comments, gezza, gezzabell, google, posts, readers, spam, Update)
Okay, some quick stuff concerning the blog:
x Gezza
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