2008
One heck of a year it was! We had the Olympics, all manner of natural disasters and America got a new president. Meanwhile, in Gezza’s world, this is what happened…
- The good
- Going to China. That place is absolutely amazing! The people were so nice, and it’s mazing how much variation there is in that country. On minute you’re in a traffic jam in Beijing, the next you’re immersed in mountains at the Great Wall, surrounded by a huge forest. By a fluke, everyone in my hotel room also got put up in the luxury suite in Hong Kong, with two plasma TVs and designer furniture, which we lazed around on while eating our noodles. I saw so many interesting things I hope I will never forget, I just can’t explain everything. It was a rsh of energy seeing the view at one of the amazing cultural sites or observing the beauty of one of the temls, and sadness the next at seeing a beggar, with half his face terribly burnt, showing the flesh under the skin. She kinda wrecked it, but screw her.
- Panic At The Disco concert. Hot guys. Meeting Them. Getting an autograph. Great Music. Hell of a night.
- End of the 9th grade. Hell yes! I’m a senior now. And I didn’t fail anything either.
- I’m slowly finding myself.
- My friends. Geez, I think I’d bie of boredom at school without them!
- The Bad
- I realized I am truly in love with a guy who is in love with her, of all people.
- This meant I knew I had to dump my boyfriend, which was pretty sad, but we had a fight anyway. >< Yeah, I’m trying to justify my wrong actions, but, you know, I’m not exactly a perfect person.
- One of my friends left my school, and I think my other friend is going to follow her, leaving me alone at school, with that idiot.
- Homework, assignments, tests and exams.
- The ugly
x Gezza
“Want” and “Need” Are Different… right?
I was thinking about that before when I read an email from one of my friends, we were talking about some random crap, and she replied with a smiley face, saying: “I know! But want and need are two different things, unfortuately they taught me that in preschool.” My head tells me I’ve learnt this too, but my heart is wondering whether this statement is true. Some things I want so desperately, I’m starting to feel like I need them. I want acceptance, but I don’t really need it to survive according to plain logic. But then why do I feel so deprived when I feel left out? I want another human being to feel compassion for me, but we only need food and water to survive, and apparently not love. This statement is complete bull. If it were true, imagine how happy a place the world would be if we felt we had our place in the world by living in a warm house, having three meals a day and drinking eight glasses of water. I do all this most days. Heck, where’s my warm and fuzzy feeling? I demand it now, with interest for every year of my life that I’ve missed out on it.
And darn it, now my internet bandwith has run out and Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, is taking forever to load. Geez, bad day, bad bad day. I think I’m slipping into depression again, and I’m sinking in so deep I’m scared I’m not gonna find my way out. And no, I’m not emo, before you post some silly comment. Yay, in the process of typing this my video has loaded an extra thirty seconds. Woot.
And there I go again, being depressed and going against every promise I’ve made to myself while typing up my previous posts. *smacks head* Maybe sleep will help… after my video loads. Yay, seeing Tifa (Martial arts ninja type of girl) totally pwn someone is somehow stress relieving. *turns up headphone volume so you can practically hear the SFX from wherever you are, miles away* *KICK* *PUNCH* *General sounds of physical pain and violence* At these times, I come to see I am just a whimpering, lonely child.
x Gezza
Try
It’s in some people’s nature to just give up in some aspects or activities. I think this can be really sad sometimes, and sometimes it’s just plain stupid. Here’s an example: After exams, some people will be wining away about how they failed today’s exams, they failed yesterday’s exam and so forth. So then, I ask them: “Did you try to study hard?” The answer is always no. Some people just believe they can cruise through life without trying, that everything will just come to them. I get good grades, but I sacrifice a lot of my personal time to get them. But this example is trivial to other things people just stop trying at.
On my nightly board roaming, I found a topic that said: “I Hate My Parents.” When someone asked why, this person said: “They’re very hateable.” I think that if someone and their parents have differences, they should never stop trying to resolve them. You’re both angry for a reason. Why would that be? And there’s no point just standing there and asking them why they gave birth to you. Isn’t the reason obvious? They do love you. And then some people are just so sick of trying they attempt to take their own lives. This always makes me so sad. How could those people have felt so tortured? I would feel so bad if I ever became like that, I feel bad of just thinking those sorts of thoughts.
I try hard every day to be nice to the people I hate, to keep myself happy, to laugh and smile, I wish everyone would try just a bit harder before giving up on something and spending the time they could have spent accomplishing their goals complaining. Some people just can’t help it, I know I complain a lot. Just another thing I’m trying to slowly change about myself. Slowly change.
x Gezza
Facade
I hate doing it, but I think it’s in my nature to get stressed out easily. One time, I even worried myself into an athsma attack because of school exams, which made me take into retrospect how I’m going to deal with all the bad stuff that goes on in my life. I think I like to bury all the bad things that have happened to me right down into the deepest crevices of my body, where they have to struggle to find their way out and resurface on my memory again. I really don’t think this is a good way to deal with my problems. I just put on a happy face every day, and hope to god nobody notices I’m worried. I even go to the point sometimes where I act a bit stupid so people think I’ve got nothing on my mind at all.
I think it’s best to just let it all out. I feel a lot of people think they’re stupid crying, that it shows weakness. I don’t like telling other people my feelings, and I’d hate them to see me crying. What a weakling… they’d probably think to themselves. But crying, when you really think about it, is like the most basic form of therapy for people. It lets us get all the stress out, and I feel amazingly better after I just sit down sometimes and cry. They can be tears of grief, sadness, fear, or frustration. But they’re just taking up space that could be used for other things in your body. You aren’t weak if you cry, you’re just expressing emotion, like when you smile or frown. How can people possibly reject you for having a bit of a cry, they’ve probably done it once too.
Facades are stifling, awful masks you have to wear. We mostly wear them because we want people to like us, I wear mine because of that. I think it’s because I was bullied at every primary school I went to, and saw that all the funny people were the popular ones, so I became like one of them. I’m always the one making jokes, pointing out stupid things, stuff like that. And the sad thing is, I know my current friends would reject me if I took that mask off and wasn’t funny anymore. So, every time I meet someone outside my bedroom,I put on that stupid grin. Trapped under that stupid bit of invisible plastic that is my mask, my facade.
x Gezza
Interview With The Vampire
If there’s one thing I think that’s overrated at the moment, it’s Twilight. Yeah, I’ve read all the books, and I went to see the movie, and I dothink the books are absolutely fantastic. The fangirls aren’t. Now, whenever I go onto chat boards or whatever, it’s always about Twilight. Oh, look! Robert Pattinson cut his fingernails! It’s really going to effect his acting! Well, I have’t seen a board about that, but it’s geting pretty close to that stage. When I saw the movie with my friend Phoebe, girls went into hysterics when the doors to the cinema were opened. The movie hadn’t even started! And when Edward Cullen made an appearance… well, I think my ears are still ringing. So, I went on the search for a new vampire series to become infactuated with. And I found it.
The name of the book is Interview With The Vampire, written by Anne Rice. It’s from 1976, but I think it’s one of those timeless novels. I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone as I think it’s suited to older readers more than fanatical eleven year olds, because I think it’s got a lot more darkness (okay not the best adjective but that’s the only way I know how to describe it)in it than Twilight. I’m not good at writing summaries, so here’s a bit from the Wikipedia page about the book:
In 1791, Louis was a young indigo plantation owner living south of New Orleans, Louisiana. Distraught and suicidal over the death of his wife and child when she was delivering, Louis is approached by a vampire named Lestat, who desires the benefits of living in a fine home with servants. Lestat turns Louis into a vampire (although initially Louis merely begs to be killed) and the two become immortal companions. Lestat spends some time feeding off the local plantation slaves while Louis, who finds it morally impossible for him to murder humans to survive, feeds from animals.
Louis and Lestat are forced to leave when Louis’ slaves begin to fear the monsters with which they live and instigate an uprising. Louis sets his own plantation aflame; he and Lestat exterminate the plantation slaves to keep word from spreading about vampires living in Louisiana. Gradually, Louis bends under Lestat’s influence and begins feeding from humans. He slowly comes to terms with his vampire nature but also becomes increasingly repulsed by what he perceives as Lestat’s total lack of compassion for the humans he preys upon.
It’s really good, I got hooked after about the first two pages and I’ve read it up to page 35 now (I’ve only been reading for about half an hour). Best of all, it was made into a movie in 1994, and it’s part of a trilogy. And, I know I’m going to get killed by the fangirls, but I’m actually starting to like it better than Twilight. So, next time you’re at the bookstore, look up Anne Rice!
x Gezza
The Beat Rolls On
I’ve finished uploading all my CD’s onto my laptop, and I mean all of them. I don’t think I’ve noticed before how much my taste in music varies, from the amazing instrumentals of the Cinematic Orchestra, to the blaring guitar of Muse to the boppy pop tunes of The Pipettes. It’s also funny listening to my really old CD’s, I’ve foun Britney Spears’ first album! I really think that girl has taken a step backwards, her voice on this CD is so amazing. When I listen to “Womanizer” now, I turn off the radio.
It’s funny how music really effects my mood too. I’ll be listening to some random dance mix and get all pumped up, but then I’ll switch to emo and then suddenly feel all depressed about something that happened weeks ago (I should really stop listening to that stuff). It helps me wind down, party and wallow in despair at different times when I press the change track button. It’s strange how music can make me feel like that, it really has a big effect on my life.
But I suppose I’m not the only person who feels like this, considering how much money the music industry makes. And I don’t think it stops at just the music on my computer. I love blaring music out on my stereo, going to musicals, and of course, rock concerts! This year I had the pleasure of meeting with the wonderful guys from Panic At The Disco. They were all soo cute! And, I got them to autograph my graphics calculator. (I hate it, so I thought I’d make it awesome by getting them to sign it. It worked. Coolest. Calculator. Ever.)
I took the photo on my desk, that’s why there’s random bits of rubber everywhere.
I’ve started listening to music when I do everything now! I’m not sure whether it’s the lyrics, music or guy singing it, but music really helps me do things and stay positive. If I’m typing up a post and can’t think of what to write, I’ll just stop typing and close my eyes and listen to whatever music’s playing, and then it’ll eventually come to me. Or I’ll just start singing along… 
But music is also the language veryone speaks, right? It unites us as people. That’s the main reason why it’s so important. I watched a show on the ABC about the Irish, French and Germans fighting in trenches in World War I. It was Christmas, and nobody wanted to fight, and then one of the Germans got up out of his trench, walked into the middle of the battlefield, and started singing carols in German. Then everyone else started singing too, and the Irish got on their bagpipes as well. (I’m not being racist, Irish people did start playing bagpipes) For Christmas, everyone was friends because of music. Okay, it was a bit of a cheesy post, but I just realized it, so it’s going on here.
x Gezza
Best Christmas Wishes!
Hey guys, I hope you all have a great, safe and happy Christmas. Take a step back and spend some time with your family and relax. It only comes around once a year! I hope you get everything on your Christmas Wishlists, and make sure you don’t eat too much of that Christmas pudding! Make sure to stay positive over the holidays and embrace the Christmas spirit, after all, happiness is infectious. Do something nice, make someone’s day, and not just by giving presents. Oh, and don’t drink drive.
Merry Christmas!
x Gezza
Abandoned
A few days ago, our neighbour left to go on a cruise as her Christmas present to herself, and she hired someone to look after all 12 of her horses, 3 dogs, 5 chickens and cat. However, everyone in my house noticed that nobody came to her house after she left, and someone was supposed to. After three days, we headed over. (Luckily, she gave us a set of keys to her house and sheds in case anything went wrong) Nobody was there. The person who was supposed to look after her place had put the set of keys our neighbour had given her in the door to the house and left, leaving all those animals to starve.
When my dad went over, one of the horses was caught in the fence, and another had its cover tangled in its legs. The dogs were just about insane, and one of the chickens, locked inside a coop, actually was trying to dig her way out to save her babies, one of which had died, only days old. I don’t know how this person could have left those animals alone, and it wasn’t because she had some sort of family emergency. Dad rang around, and she’s off “working” for another person already.
Today, when we went over to feed all the animals, our neighbour’s cat finally appeared, looking very scraggly. You should have seen how it reacted when it saw me, it rubbed up to me and rolled over in pure delight. It’s yellow eyes even lit up as it meowed up at me. I immediately went back to my house and got food and water for it, and gave it the attention it needed. It was so, utterly happy.
I don’t understand how that “house minder” could have left like that. All the animals at that house put such trust and faith into humans, so much that they’d never think of lashing out at one. Why would you betray that trust? Animals are so innocent and pure, I don’t see why some people can say they’re not like humans. When the neighbour’s two male dogs started fighting, the female went and broke them up and the chicken in the coop is so motherly and protective of her babies. They just don’t talk English. Imagine if they did. Would that girl have heard shouts when she drove off? Hey, where are you going? I’m hungry! Help me, I’m stuck! Please let me out! Rescue me! Help me! Save me! The roar would have been deafening. If I ever see that lady, I’m going to give her what for.
x Gezza
Oooh… shiny!
My Christmas present arrived yesterday, the laptop I’ve been waiting to get for years! It’s a lovely black Dell Inspiron 1525. It was pretty cheap compared with other laptops too, only $750 AUD. I saved a lot of money by ordering it with no extras, and then scoured the house for a mouse and laptop bag, which I luckily found. (Computer nerd family.)
I’m absolutely in love with it – the keyboard is nice and compact for speed typing, and it’s got a nice touch pad at the top which I can use to pause, play and stop music and adjust sound without having to minimise what I’m doing. It also came with a web cam, and Vista pre-installed. But what I like most about it is the privacy. Now I can do this blog, listen to music, surf the net and type up stuff without anyone bothering me all the time, which is what happened when I used the home PC. It’s also got a random google desktop toolbar which tells me it’s cold outside when my insides are just about burning from heat, to do list, clock and random news popping up (apparently some company is slashing prices because of the economic crisis, terribly interesting and relevant to my life.) I’m really hoping to type up a novel manuscript which I’ve been planning out for ages as well, so I’ve got something to keep me busy these holidays.
Thanks to my parents for paying for it! 
I promise I’ll use it or schoolwork! *shify eyes*
x Gezza
New stuff
Newsflash: I’ve added a new about page since the other one had surprising lack of bagging Sarah Marshall, an I’ve added a link for you to click on to get your own neopets account. Please click it, I’m addicted to Neopets and every account I sign up gets me virtual money! (yeah, I have no life whatsoever….) So yeah, make sure to check the about page out and I’ll tell you a little about Sarah in tomorrow’s post. G’night dahlinks!
x Gezza
